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I’M THE BIGGEST LAIR

moonhighmusic.com

“Good Morning Jeff”

 

This sentence brings a lot to mind, I hear this very sentence every day and every day I respond, Morning sometimes I even go further asking how are you Mr. Pack with a smile in my face as wide as the goal post, covering the scar deep within. I always ask myself, why do we have to say this every morning even the sleep wasn’t good. We cover the scar every day with a respond or greeting a fellow, at the workplace, Miss Stacy will greet

 “Good Morning Boss, How You Doing”,

 The respond is always I’m doing good. I wish I could tell Stacy, what is really going on in my mind, what is really happening to me, what is really occurring deep within but no, I choose the simplest option because if the respond goes contrary to the normal, Boy, you will have some explanations to do, Miss Stacy will say

“What is Going on Jeff, are you having money issues,

Is the family doing well,

You have problem with the kid’s school fees,

Is your mom sick”

 The solution to these problems is really worrying and alarming and I chose to avoid being asked these questions. The gravity of the responsibilities I have to carry every morning is heavy but I  still choose to carry it no matter the effect, it is quit heavy but I carry it either way, the though that goes through my mind every morning when the kids gear up for school, the uneasiness when the month is due, when the phone rings, when mum calls, when family calls and the biggest of all when mum visits. How would you explain to her you did you best, you did all that you could, you go beyond your limit? And when childhood friends see you, you need to pretend things are actually going as planned, things are being in your favor. The day you told him you will be a doctor in future,

“Oh me, I want to be an engineer”, “I will be a successful businessman”,

that day hits you hard, very hard but the ego, the pride hidden deep in us, hidden beyond the reach. The pride is like a white cloth, it hates dirt, when a little piece of dirt touches, it becomes obviously vivid. As the white cloth hates the dirt so is the pride in us hates shame, it shows off immediately it encounters one. And when the friend greets “Hey Jeff Good Morning” the prides burst up involuntary and with a wide smile we respond hiding the scar ones more, and if it is your class mate, the pride doubles, we all hate failure and I also do.

 “Jeff long time, no see, where have you been, what are you doing now, I remember you said you wanted to be a doctor, by now you are a surgeon right”,

 These are the very scenes in my life I always wants to avoid, when I really though of them, when that very day hits me in my imaginations, I always freeze, having no accurate answer for these questions. Should I tell him, I am now working with my aunt, helping her with her cold store, should I tell him I couldn’t complete my education because I was dismissed or my dad couldn’t pay my fees, should I tell him yes, am now working with the biggest hospital in town, I know it’s a lie, but isn’t that what I do every morning when I respond to miss Stacy’s greeting.

My friend Jeffery is a great guy, he’s not successful, but always strive for one, he always sees himself as a rich guy, not now but in the future. We talk almost every day, the first thing he would say to me “Good Morning Jeff, boy by now I know you are rich” is funny the way he will say it like he is teasing you, but on the real, he reminds me always of my situation, where the loading is on the progress bar. He one day said “Jeff you are so  perfect, I wish I had your life I could have done anything I want, I could have live the life I want” but the truth is I also wish I had his life, I could have fun all day and not worry about the consequences, I could have been close to friends all day talking and chatting about anything that will comes to the mind. Such is life he wishes he was me and I wish I was him. He was able to tell me his feelings but I, I chose to cover mine with a giggle and the words followed “Jeffery I wish I was all that you said about me”.

I have developed the strategy of lying every morning to my boss, my family, my friends, the world and even myself. Emmanuel my pastor asked me “Jeff how is your prayer life” and low and behold I looked straight into the eyes of the pastor and lied, isn’t that what I do every morning lie to the people who greet me.

Good morning, they say, Good Morning, I respond.